| Ech |
[28 Jul 2005|07:50am] |
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mood |
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 sleepy |
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Advanced Global Personality Test Results | Extraversion | |||||||||||||| | 60% | | Stability | |||||||||| | 33% | | Orderliness | |||||||||||| | 46% | | Altruism | |||||||||||||||| | 63% | | Interdependence | |||||||||||||||||| | 76% | | Intellectual | |||||||||||| | 43% | | Mystical | |||||||||||||||| | 70% | | Artistic | |||||||||||||||||||| | 90% | | Religious | |||||| | 30% | | Hedonism | |||||| | 30% | | Materialism | |||||||||||||||||| | 76% | | Narcissism | |||||||||||| | 50% | | Adventurousness | |||||||||||||| | 56% | | Work ethic | |||||| | 23% | | Self absorbed | |||||||||||||| | 56% | | Conflict seeking | |||||||||||||||| | 63% | | Need to dominate | |||||||||||||||| | 63% | | | Romantic | |||||||||||||||| | 70% | | Avoidant | |||| | 16% | | Anti-authority | |||||||||||| | 50% | | Wealth | |||||||||||||||| | 63% | | Dependency | |||||||||||||||| | 63% | | Change averse | |||||||||||| | 50% | | Cautiousness | |||||||||||||||| | 70% | | Individuality | |||||||||||||||| | 70% | | Sexuality | |||||||||||||||| | 70% | | Peter pan complex | |||||||||||||| | 56% | | Physical security | |||||||||||||||||||| | 90% | | Physical Fitness | |||| | 17% | | Histrionic | |||||||||||||||||||| | 83% | | Paranoia | |||||||||||||||| | 70% | | Vanity | |||||||||||| | 50% | | Hypersensitivity | |||||||||||||||||| | 76% | | Female cliche | |||||||||||||||||||| | 90% | |
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| I'm back...for now |
[27 Jul 2005|08:49pm] |
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mood |
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 cranky |
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music |
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"Ziggy Stardust" bauhaus |
] |
A long computerless summer it has been. It was no help for my flimsy social skills. I had nothing else to do but go out onto that god forsaken world and meet other people which turned out to depress me every time. No one called but my beloved and some friends which was mainly out of boredom. I'm not needed by anyone so thats why I figured being a loner aint that bad. It wasn't but it was just so dull, but it was forced on me being that most of my "friends" cant even stand me.
Whatever life must go on or something.
Anyway a total recap of my summer
Akon 16
- funner than last year's, I wasn't alone this time.
$1000 shopping spree
- clooothes!
yea.....thats it
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| Updatee |
[13 May 2005|12:34pm] |
Ah yes I've organized my Gothic lolita costume for A-kon. Man I feel so down in the gutter. I think I failed Comp Lit. bleh Please let me hang on by a string. I want to go to A-kon, bad!!
*sigh*
My only salvation this summer
please oh please.
hmph I'm begging, aren't I a pathetic little oaf.
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| As for now |
[03 May 2005|03:58pm] |
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mood |
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 busy |
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music |
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94.5 |
] |
Small moments on a little box like this are meant to cherish once your other was flung out into the cold.
Last few days worked out quite well.
Went to battle of the bands with Yuri. Lordy if you were there you'd be wet in an instant. Can't wait till the next comes around, and maybe next year me, Yuri, and Desi might be up there.
Mother took me to a weird ass church service. You know the ones where there's this really hyped up guy preaching to everyone. Old ladies were jumping and screaming for this guy. My mother's main reason for this is my salvation. How stupid, but at least she's giving a shit aout me these days. Not for the right reason, but you know atleast something.
I'm just happy no panties were thrown at the air. *shivers*
Thats as much as I'll include for now kids.
~Bai
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| Wtf, seriously! |
[29 Apr 2005|12:10pm] |
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mood |
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 amused |
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music |
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Bright eyes |
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Sorry I haven't updated in that last few days. My mother did the most psychotic thing. She threw out my bloody hardrive. Literally threw it out. Not a fun motherly thing eh?
Meh, I'll be fine. The computer isn't my life, just my free time.
I've been stuck to my DDR pad as of recently. I'm getting pretty good being the incapable piggy I am.
Glad to be back on a tumor inducing box once more even if it for a short while. Mmmmm
I'll be back bitches
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| I should've lunged it at her spine |
[25 Apr 2005|06:13am] |
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mood |
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 infuriated |
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music |
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N/A |
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All I can feel is rage, for someone I'm fed up with. I do what I can for this person but no they want more. For their age they will do anything to bring a child down. Big insecurities there. Just for acting the way I am, I deserve to get punish. Well I ain't taking anymore pointless shit like this. Elders my ass, they deserve no respect or help from me. I won't give out my generousity because without it they'd be out in the cold. They might not even think of it with their oversized ego but it's true. I help them out and tend to them when I can. Hell, I forgave them when they take from me. I'm fed up and I can't take this crap. Threaten me all they want, it's not like they're going to believed anyway. They aren't cared for in this house so why do they keep coming back. That one night long ago when I turned homicidal, gripping that kitchen knife. I Should've lunged it at her spine and watched them bleed. That's how I was inside whenever I was too close to them. Bleeding to death after being stabbed in the back.
So congratulation, I hope it all feels like an accomplishment. Whoever you are, you know but you'll deny it. Consider yourself the angel in this but you're not. You're the hell in my life, and I do literally want you 6 feet under. Don't worry, all emotional connection to you has been cut off. You're just a stranger to me now. Leave this place and live your own life. Fend for yourself and get away from here. You hate us so it shouldn't be much of a problem. Go now you don't belong here anymore, black sheep.
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| No Lies, Just Love |
[22 Apr 2005|08:58pm] |
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mood |
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 depressed |
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music |
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"No lies, just love" by Bright Eyes |
] |
~
It was in March of the winter
I turned seventeen
That I bought those pills
I thought I would need
I worote a letter
to my family
Said it's not your fault
And you've been good to me
Just lately I've been feeling
Like I don't belong
Like the ground's not mine to walk upon
And I've heard that music
Echo through the house
Where my grandmother drank
By herself
And I sat Watching a flower
As it was withering
I was embarrassed by it's honesty
So I'd prefer to be remembered as a
Smiling face
Not this fucking wreck
That's taken it's place
So please forgive what I have done
No you won't stay mad at the settng sun
Cause we all get tired, I mean eventually
There is nothing left to do but sleep
But spring came bearing sunlight
Those persuasive rays
So I gave myself a few more days
My salvation it came, quite suddenly
When Justin spoke very plainly
He said "Of course it's your decision,
But jsut so youk now
If you decide to leave
Soon I will follow"
I wrote this for a baby
Who was yet to be born
My brother's first child
I hope that womb's not too warm
Cause it's cold out here
And it'll be quite a shock
To breathe this air
To discover loss
So I'd like to make some changes
Before you arrive
So when your new eyes meet mine
They won't see no lies
Just love
Just love
I will be pure
No, no, I know I will be pure
Like snow, like gold
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[19 Apr 2005|06:20pm] |
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Well finally that tsunami of depression dimmed out. Now I'm feelin a bit better after a good nuzzling with Joy's bosom. They feels so gewd! Also the face on her boyfriend was priceless, which made me nuzzle in deeper between them. Man it's odd, she's taken but I still love her. She's gorgeous and her hips are to die for. Meh, I'll wait for my chance later on. On another nerdy note: My little bud Mikey gave me all of his yu gi oh cards and some pokemon cards which was positively delightful. I'm still orgasming from the sight, and worse (or way freakin better!) The making of a hellsing OVA was confirmed, thus I am now sexed up and in need of letting out major sexual tension. Last but not least
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| Nothing worse...Nothing better |
[18 Apr 2005|08:02pm] |
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mood |
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depressed |
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music |
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"Suicide Party"by Vendetta Red |
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This whole I'v had this spontanious feeling. It wouldn't go away. I felt alone and betrayed. I was insulted and ignored. Some tried to console me but I didn't listen nor did I care if they wanted to help. I felt hollow and distant from everything else. I only felt a stabbing pain that wouldn't go away...allover my chest and torso. Like I was impaled by a all these spikes or rusty blades in a deep hole, quiet with me just staring off into the distance as I bled to death. Images of my skin Cut up with long endless gashes kept coming. I hated everyone and everything, I hated myself and everything I had or didn't have. My eyes wouldn't stop tearing as My own voices and those I considered my friends wouldn't stop reminding me about how no one was there, everyone betrayed me for someone better. How they never thought of me. Like I never existed. It wouldn't stop hurting, I just wanted to bash my head onto the brick wall. Till there was nothing but crished skull and my brain bits splattered on the pavement. I had no one, no one liked me or loved me in that certain way. They were caught up with someone else who was caught up with someone else. The atomic bomb of bad self image hit the gloomy polluted land that is my mind. I now just want to starve myself, that'll amke everything better...for their sake. I should stay quite and sad. They'll build up sympathy and think of me as a mystery but it will also wipe my existance from their mind. It wouldn't be a problem, it's better off that way.
And now I find myself..crying again, thinking about it again.
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| That is why I love you |
[18 Apr 2005|05:29pm] |
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music |
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"Beautiful Freak" by Eels |
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You’re such a beautiful freak
I wish there were more just like you
You’re not like all of the others
And that is why I love you
Beautiful freak, beautiful freak
That is why I love you
Beautiful freak, beautiful freak
Some people think you have a problem
But that problem lies only with them
Just ’cause you are not like the others
But that is why I love you
Beautiful freak, beautiful freak
Yeah that is why I love you
Beautiful freak, beautiful freak
Too good for this world
But I hope you will stay
And I’ll be here to see that you don’t fade away
You’re such a beautiful freak
I bet you are flying inside
Dart down and then go for cover
And know that i
I love you
Beautiful freak,
You know that i
I love you
Beautiful freak, beautiful freak
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| oh yea! |
[10 Apr 2005|10:01pm] |
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mood |
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amused |
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music |
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"Say It Ain't So" by Weezer |
] |
Oh hell yea. I finally got vol.6, and sadly read it under 30 min. Sometimes I wish I could muster is all slowly...mmm savory.
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| Planned cosplay |
[03 Apr 2005|06:02pm] |
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mood |
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busy |
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music |
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Velvet Days |
] |
Alright, my planned costumes are now about to be made later on this week or month. Here's the list
Young Walter
Seras Victoria (yellow/manga)
Nakuru
other last minute options:
Schrodinger
Pip bernadette (striped sleeve shirt/ vol.4)
Alucard (A sort of victorian version like jill's)
Already ready:
Gothic lolita cat girl (ears needed)
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| Irky |
[03 Apr 2005|01:02pm] |
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mood |
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crappy |
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music |
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All The Way to Reno |
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I find it annoying that Dark horse must delay the release date for Hellsing. It's already 9 days since the release date and nothing yet! I find Vol.6 one of the most important and I'm waiting impatiently for it. I need my hellsing now. I also need to get Vol.7 in japanese.
*sigh*
Well I'll be going back to school. Lately I'v been dreading it. Mainly because of the people in it. They're all bastards...excluding most good guys. A well, just go with it.
Earlier today I talked to Danny-boy, my sweet little nazi. He sounded like he looked. Which wasn't at all bad, seeing as he is a saucy one to look at. heh He called our first talk heavenly. How cute and over exaggerated he can be.
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| Soda Dreamer |
[31 Mar 2005|09:46pm] |
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music |
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"Soda Dreamer" by Queen Adreena |
] |
Rags and riches I made three wishes
I've been a bad girl and I kissed the witches
I dance naked with animals
I've seen more than you ever dreamed possible
I've seen her I've breathe inside her
I've seen her adreena
I've seen her adreena
Hags and bitches I made three wishes
I've been a bad girl and I broke the dishes
I dance naked with animals
I've seen more than you ever dreamed possible
I've seen her I've grown her seeds
I've been her adreena
I've seen her adreena
Rags and riches I made three wishes
I've been a bad girl and kissed the witches
I dance naked with animals
I've seen more than you ever dreamed possible
I've seen her I breathe inside her
I've been her adreena
I've seen her adreena
I've seen her
I sowed her dreams
I've been her adreena
I've seen her Adreena
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| Denial is not just a river in Egypt. |
[29 Mar 2005|12:20pm] |
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mood |
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 irritated |
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music |
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"Funny Bunny" by The Pillows |
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My mom's seriously gone nutso on me. I all of a sudden can conjure up demons and let them roam around our house freely. I mean sure I aint the perfect kid but...man, I'm not the devil's whore here. Apperently the computer is the Devil. Wow 20 min. on this thing and I'v commited horrable sin. Why can't she be in normal denial like the other moms.
Sadly she's the one with the problems not me. She even been told by a doctor. The woman needs to think through what she's been doing.
I love her and she loves me, but she aint showing it the right way.
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| tingly feeling in ze noggin |
[28 Mar 2005|01:51am] |
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mood |
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 creative |
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music |
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-silence- |
] |
I just have the urge to create a community dedicated to Bert and Gerard's "misunderstood" relationship.
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| Dating sucks in both worlds |
[25 Mar 2005|04:30pm] |
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mood |
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cranky |
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music |
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"The Jetset Life is Gonna Kill" by My Chemical Romance |
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No matter how pedophilac this might sound, it's mainly true. I'm sticking to being with someone, nowhere near my age, Older most likely. Anything lower is shallow induced and filled with imaturity and of course lack of understanding. Don't forget those dang raging hormones. I myself contain most of those traits but being with something showing the same kind of thing is too much. I hate myself enough at the moment.
I'll also need to stop collecting uneeded boyfriends online. It's weakminded and stupid. Plus,.....it's a bunch of words with no meaning. It's mainly my pathetic way of feeling important when in real life I can't even do that. That's all the proof i need.
Damn I hate this age, full of uneeded crap that messes with your head.
Welcome to the world of angst, kids. Remember to buckle your seat belts!
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| mreoow |
[18 Mar 2005|04:37pm] |
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mood |
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 horny |
] |
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music |
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"Laisse tomber les filles" by April March |
] |
Sex me up bitches, sex me up good!
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